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General Discussion

david watt

Hopeless battle

Hi, sometimes just feels like am fighting a war I know I cannot win. Cancer just seems unstoppable, it marches on no matter what you do. Did not feel good last night, not in real pain, or having toilet problems like lots of people or rashes from treatments etc. Last scan 3 weeks ago said cancer was stable biggest bit 15mm on lymph nodes no organs involved yet, so should be greatful. But felt like cancer was growing and spreading last night. Also not eating much, have no disire to eat at moment have to force myself to. Am on a 2 week treatment break which am starting to regret. Had hoped cancer would hibernate for 6 months, but seems not. I guess in order to carry on we all have to find hope from somewhere, once you lose hope you fade quickly. My grandmother survived 2 different primary cancers more than 30 years ago and she's still sort of alive now. My mind set seems to be how long can I survive not will I be able to recover. Regards grumpy dave

Baxter2

All I can offer @david watt is that I completely agree with you and feel the same. My mum nagged me yesterday saying I hope you've not lost your fight? What's wrong with you? I wanted to scream at her. I just had to add that I simply cannot be happy and upbeat at all times. I often feel I have to keep up the facade regardless of how I feel. You have all my sympathy and have every right to be grumpy Dave!! Sending a big hug to you! 💜💙💚💛❤️

david watt

It feels like the doctors think we are mouldy bread. You cut a bit off here it just grows back somewhere else the next day so why bother? From what you have posted @Baxter2 you have been through a lot, not sure I could ever face hipec, sounds horrific. You have a lot more fight in you than I do. There comes a time I believe where we should be able to go piece fully in our sleep if things are so bad, but that is another discussion that would divide many. Meanwhile we are all dreaming of a miracle cure appearing in our life time.

Chris82

Hi

I share many of the same thoughts from time to time.

I do think the general idea that cancer is a 'battle' or a 'fight' can be quite unhelpful to us. Ultimately, the amount of 'fight' we put in doesn't directly impact on the result as none of us can control the effectiveness of treatment. Instead perhaps we should focus on how we can live as good a life as possible while doing what we can to positively influence our health. No less scary, but perhaps more helpful.

'Managing' our relatives, their feelings and perceptions is a while other topic...

Chris :x:

kim74

Hi @david watt I also feel like you, with me it is like I am running but standing still. When I am on a break I think I shouldn't be as I just know that it will have grown or spread. My dad had bowel cancer when I was a teenager he just got on with it and although he did die from cancer it was 18 years later, he never stopped smoking, drinking or changed his diet. The doctors were amazed, my dad use to say that he lives his life the way he wants and come what may that cancer wasn't going to change him one bit and it didn't I don't know how he did it. I don't smoke, drink, I exercise and I have a healthy diet I am not sure I am any better off. Do you think that because you are on a break your mind is working overtime? As for hope I think we all lose it at times then something will happen and we find it again. Stay strong, you will get through this.
Best wishes
Kim :x::x:

Community user

I see it as living with cancer. I never see stories where people have lost their battle to heart disease. Some relatives can be difficult. I sometimes think that they are more concerned with their loss of a loved one. My battle is with the health system which hasbeen slow with me. I try and make the most of each day and not worry too much about tomorrow.

GD1962

Hi @david watt, all I can do is share very similar thoughts and try to deal with them as best I can. I must admit that my plan is to do as much as I can in terms of treatment in order to give myself a fighting chance, that said once the quality of my life is poor and then I will stop treatment. I cannot control how the course of the disease progresses, so I pass that on to the medics and the Almighty . So, as you say @tony111 my mind is slowly evolving to the one day at a time paradigm, Also, looking into counselling and meditation. So all I can do for anybody at the forum is send you positive thoughts and keep us all in prayers.

Cheers :x:

Community user
Quote from @GD1962:
Hi @david watt, all I can do is share very similar thoughts and try to deal with them as best I can. I must admit that my plan is to do as much as I can in terms of treatment in order to give myself a fighting chance, that said once the quality of my life is poor and then I will stop treatment. I cannot control how the course of the disease progresses, so I pass that on to the medics and the Almighty . So, as you say @tony111 my mind is slowly evolving to the one day at a time paradigm, Also, looking into counselling and meditation. So all I can do for anybody at the forum is send you positive thoughts and keep us all in prayers.

Cheers

Sounds like a good plan, and that is all it is. I realised quickly that I can make choices and take the treatment. But I cannot predict tomorrow s outcome. Control used to be a big thing for me. I feel happier now I put my life in the hands of fate. I amneither positive nor negative but accepting. Just last week, a young man of 23 was killed on a crossing in Hampshire, 1 mile from me. He just wanted to get home to his family after a night out. The car hit him and his life ended in a flash. Life is impermanent and often fragile …

DianeS

Hi @david watt I totally agree with all you and others have said. We have no control over this disease and this is hard for me also, as I've always liked to be in control. Cancer is harder and more cruel on some people than it is on others. Every time a blood test or scan is imminent it's like a guessing game as to what has happened since the last time you had this done. I try not to think of the future now as it scares me. Dealing with things on a day to day basis is the only way I can cope. I pray for all of us in the forum and wish that some genius somewhere would find us all a cure :x::x::x::x:

Baxter2

So true @david watt. The surgery and HIPEC wasn't as bad as I imagined even although I had a few problems along the way! It was just a bit of a kick in the teeth to have it back in my liver when still recovering. I'll see what Thursday's scans show but feeling anxious that's for sure! Yup, looking for a miracle cure!! 💜💙💚💛❤️

GD1962

Hi @Baxter2, @DianeS, @tony111, @kim74,@Chris82, @david watt

Clear consensus on coping issues with cancer an at least we all share the same issues. Hope you all have a good week and positive healing energy is out there for us all...:x::x::x:

Baxter2

Thank you @GD1962 Hope you have a good week too! 💜💙💚💛❤️

kim74

Many thanks for you kind words @GD1962 they mean a lot.
Kim :x::x: