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Mari0512

My mom has cancer and might not make it

Hello everyone,

I'm 17 years old and I have a family consisting of my mom, my dad, and my sister who has autism. My mom has been a long standing survivor of cancer. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was 12 years old. Since then, she has beaten it but it keeps coming back periodically. This is the third time the cancer came back and it has spread and she stuggles with Bowel Obstruction. She cannot eat and has been staying at the hospital for a while and might be coming back home tomorrow. The chemo isn't working and the doctors don't want to put her through surgery since the risks outweigh the benefits. There is a chance that my mom might not live long and that's what scares me the most. She is feeling fine as of right now but obviously that's not really the case. The hospital will put her on housecare to comfort her through these hard times. My mom is still pretty young (she's 48), and the thought of not having her still early in my life is hard.

I've been trying to help my dad around the house and I'm babysitting my sister everyday. I've also been trying to distract myself with anything and I've also been praying, and it seems to be working. However, I wake up every single day with the fear and anxiety that my mom will just vanish and I won't be right beside her when she does. If time and God does let me, my only wish before my mom dies is that she gets to see me graduate and possibly see my sister go to middle school.

I'm also worried about my sister because she is still very young, and as I mentioned before, she has autism. I don't think she really comprehends my mom's situation and if my mom dies, I don't know how my sister will cope with her not being around since she is still young and is very attached with my mom.

I'm also worried about my dad because he is the only adult in our household and lost his parents early in my childhood. He has his brother and his family nearby to help with him, but I woory that he will get too stressed out and will break down. However, he seems to cope with it fine.

It's hard for me to talk to anyone because I want to be strong for my sister and my dad, and I'm afraid my friends might not fully understand it. However, since they all live with single parents due to divorce maybe I can come to them about that. The only person I really talk to about my situation is my long-distanced boyfriend who has seen death in his family and really helps me get through each day with comfort and facetime calls.

I just hope that God and time will let my mom live for a long time until the day she does pass
away, hopefully by the time I've graduated from high school and in college and my sister goes off to middle school. If anyone has any advice or comfort, please feel free to share.

Mari0512

Hey everyone,

I want to let you all know that my mom passed away today. I had tennis practice today and after I went home and showered, my aunt came into my room and I saw my dad, my grandma, the nurse waiting for me and I saw my mom lying there on her bed. My grandma told me to say goodbye to her. And as I hugged her body a few seconds before she left, I told her that I love her and that I'll miss her.

I just want to say thank you for all who read my posts and sent so many virtual hugs and comfort and that whenever I needed some outlet, I would always come on here and just write. Its going to be hard on me and my family, but I'll be okay. And to everyone to still has their moms, or their parents, or anyone close to them, just tell them that you love them and always cherish them because life is too beautiful and precious.

I'll probably update one more time before I leave this community and go on with my life. Thank you everyone once again for your messages and I won't forget them. Take care.

WendySue

I am so sad to hear that your mom has passed away @Mari0512 and really lost for words. You are a very special person and a fantastic support to your family. I will not forget the impression you have left on me in your courage. I send love and prayers :x::x:

WendySue

I am so sad to hear that your mom has passed away @Mari0512 and really lost for words. You are a very special person and a fantastic support to your family. I will not forget the impression you have left on me in your courage. I send love and prayers :x::x:

Trimmer

I am so sorry and send you@Mari0512, and your family, all my love, my thoughts will be with you in the days ahead. You are an absolute credit to your mom, she will be so proud of you. :x::x::x::x:

lorraine grant

@Mari0512 so very sorry to read your post. It brought tears to my eyes so I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now. There is certainly no right way to feel or right way to deal with you emotions and grief. You’ll manage in your own way in your own time. I’d maybe suggest some grief counselling with proper counsellors who are familiar with young careers and cancer. It’s the least you deserve and it means you don’t have to hide or deny any feelings to protect your family. I wish you well in this really difficult time. My thoughts are with you. :x::x::x:

Lizalou

I am so sorry @Mari0512 . But your Mom knew how much you loved her and how much you and your family had struggled to help her. It is a blessing that she went peacefully, surrounded by love.

Be very kind to yourself now. Get some professional help if you can, or talk to someone at school.

Sending prayers for your mom and all her family. And a big hug for you. :x::x::x:

xSazx

You sound like an amazing person with an incredible heart and such a caring nature. I was so sad to hear what you were going through and wished I could give you a proper hug! I am utterly heartbroken for you and I wish you all the best for the future. You are an absolute credit to your mum and your family. :x:

scruffysheep

I can only second what others have said. Remember to take care of yourself at the same time as caring for others. Sending virtual hugs but like xSazx wish I could give you proper ones :x::x:

sweetcheeks

@Mari0512 , I’m so sorry for your loss , :x::x::x::x::x:

Baxter2

I'm so sorry to read your terribly sad news @Mari0512

Thinking of you, your lovely Mum and family and sending love

K💚💛💜💙❤️

terri m

Sorry for your loss @Mari0512 .. Time is a great heeler believe me.. I lost my dad when I was 23.. I tried to stay strong for mum... You try & do the same for the rest of your lively family... Your mum lives on inside of you remember that. Hugs and strength to you xxx💗💝

jamtart

@Mari0512 we will still be here in the minutes, days months and probably years ahead whenever you need. In the sad difficult days ahead look after yourself while you are looking after others. ❤️

Trinity

@Mari0512 thinking if you, you have been incredibly strong, take care & remember to look after your self also :x::x::x::x:

Catlover

So sorry to hear about your mum @Mari0512. I am sure she would be very proud of the way you have coped. Lots love to you and your family :x::x::x:

george1960

You are such and inspiration, your mum is trying but this disease eats away at you and takes everything away it's so hard watching them but you are giving her the love and talking to her so don't be frightened cos no matter what, you love her and by god she loves you so so much.

She must hate you seeing what she is going through as it's your mums natural inclination to protect you. This disease makes you grow up it did when I lost my mum to this disease. I love, appreciate, cherish, and respect my family even more and tell them I love them every chance I get.

Just enjoy what time you have left..

xx Georgexx

Lynette

Dear Mari, I'm so very sad and sorry to read your post. You seem so mature for your age but sadly this awful disease makes you grow up very quickly. I'm sure your Mum was so proud of you and just know you will continue to make her proud every single day of your life. Accept as much help as you can to get through the long hard days ahead and never stop talking about her. Sending much love to you and your family :x::x::x::x::x:

KatieR

Hello @Mari0512 I am so sorry to read that your Mother has died
Her suffering is over and I pray she is at peace now
You have been such a good daughter
Your Mum must have been very proud of you
There is never a good age to lose your Mum
I was 51 .....I had looked after my Mum for 6 years and she died at my home
It took me a long time to get my head around her being gone from my life and it was very hard to pick up the pieces of my life
You need to talk about how you are feeling ....You may be happy that her pain is over ....You may feel guilty if a little bit of you is happy to get your life back ...
I know I had lots of feelings and emotions that I needed help to deal with
Bless you for Caring for your Mum and your family
Come back for a chat or a hug anytime...
Cath :x::x:

DianeS

Thinking of you and your family dear @Mari0512, sending lots of love to you all Diane :x::x:

Mari0512

Hey everyone, this will be the last update for this discussion post then I will stop posting and leave this community and try and return to my normal life.

Its been almost a week since my mom passed away. I'm doing fine but I still get emotional whenever I think about her. Sometimes when I do chores or I'm moving around the house, I see all the family pictures with her in them, or I see her clothes, jewelry, any of her belongings all left behind. Its so funny and interesting that a person is really gone from your life when you find their belongings and realize that that person won't ever use them again. She all left her belongings passed on to me, but I probably won't use them for a while. I have her phone with me though, and it just feels so surreal.

My mom's funeral mass was held on Saturday in the morning. It was really difficult since it was my first ever funeral. A lot of my family and friends, teachers, my dad and my moms colleagues, the hospice care center, and some people who I never met before came to the funeral. It was really overwhelming but I was grateful.

I'm Filipino, and most of my moms family are in the Philippines. My mom wanted to be cremated and her ashes buried in the Philippines so my dad already prepared the urn and it just has to be shipped, just to fulfill my mom's last wish before we can all return to our daily lives.

My moms friends, who I've known since I was a kid, told me that I have to be the rock of the family and the woman of the household. It feels scary and weird that I'm going to have to take my mom's place in the family. Of course my dad will take care of the "adult" stuff like paying bills and whatnot, but while my mom was still here, I was the one who mostly helped her around the house and helped her took care of my sister more than my dad. Its going to be difficult and weird, but I know my mom will be watching from above and I want to make her proud of her own daughter. Its hard, but I'll be okay, and I know that I'll see my mom soon.

Thank you all for reading my posts and just being supportive of me because it really means a lot. Please take care of yourselves and I hope whatever any of you people are going through, be strong.

See you all.

Elmac

Dear @Mari0512 - you will always remember your Mum and the good times you all had together.- it will take a couple of years to get to that place though- but don't be sad for too long, she wouldn't want that.

My elder sister died last Christmas and her son took her ashes back to Australia, and we have a lovely video of her ashes being scattered at her favourite beach, where the wind caught them above a wave and wafted them in the air and over the ocean, and we all felt when we saw it, that she is continuing on her journey and would be keeping watch over all the family. Your Mum will be doing that for you and your family too.
Good luck for the future - I'm sure you will make your mum proud!