Not handling it very well
My partner was diagnosed with rectal cancer nearly two months ago now. All the preliminary tests have been done - last was a PET scan last Wednesday - so we’re now just waiting for the call to see the consultant.
I’ve tried my very best to keep positive and cheerful in front of my partner but in private it’s a very different story. He’s dealing with this by not discussing it and doesn’t want me discussing it with him either, which I find very hard. He told me he doesn’t want me to go to the meeting with him, and I’ve had to practically beg him to let me come. Still not sure if he’s going to allow it. He said he’d rather go on his own so he can lie about it. It’s doing my head in the thought of him going alone and maybe deciding not to tell anyone.
The stress is really getting to me now and I feel like I’m on the verge of a total meltdown. I can’t talk to him about it because he was very clear with me in the beginning that he could handle it, but he couldn’t cope with anyone else not handling it.
I’ve no idea whether he’ll get the call for the appointment and just not tell me until it’s over. I know this is his decision to make and I’ve no right to insist on being involved, but not knowing is going to just destroy me.
I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and just trying to complete everyday tasks is getting harder and harder.
I don’t know if this is just me being selfish and weak, but I really don’t know which was to turn at the moment.
Has anyone else had experience similar to this? I feel such a failure.