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Beating Bowel Cancer Community

Life with bowel cancer

HopsiFAP

Feeling rather blue

Hey Everyone,

I just wanted to have a wee outlet for my emotions. I realise I’m so much more fortunate than many on here but I feel a bit weepy today. Most of the time I genuinely feel very positive but today I’m just feeling this is SO tough. I’m not on any active treatment right now ..waiting on liver biopsy results next week but after a pelvic extenerarion where I’ve basically lost everything down below I now have a permanent Ileostomy and urostomy. I’ve adjusted pretty well to be fair but I’m about 3 months on from having a whipple’s where I lost some of my small bowel too so it means that managing my ileostomy is tougher..

Anyway you know when you just have a moment where you have to recognise that actually yes I’m so glad to be alive and doing as much as I can but it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself every now and then and I know I can do it here and people understand. So thanks for being here and listensing. Means a lot.

Lots of love
Clare :x::x::x::x:

HopsiFAP

Thanks so much @Clancy yes I’m not sure if it was a tumour for that long but the nurse specialist I spoke to at the Polyposis Registry thought the polyps would have been there since my teenage years to my non diagnosed genetic mutation.
When I think about it like that then I actually feel incredibly lucky that it hadn’t developed any more. I was staged at T3 with no mets or nodes but it was in an really awkward place, hence the need for such drastic surgery.
You’ve been through so much so please feel free to whinge as much as you like. Waiting for surgery dates is always an anxious time and I can understand why you feel more anxious this time around because you have fresh memories of the pain and recovery I woukd imagine ? It’s only human to feel that way. I have at least one more operation left to remove my thyroid and will be anxious for that too.
Thanks so much for your support. I really appreciate it :x::x::x::x:

HopsiFAP

Hi @david watt Gosh that is hard going..
thanks so much for that. I am a member of two other FAP groups but I’ll request to become a member of that one too.
I hope you don’t feel too bad on this cycle of chemo.
Take care

HopsiFAP

@Sele2017 thank you. I hope you are doing ok? You’ve had such a tough time too so big hugs back :x::x::x:

HopsiFAP
Quote from @charleyb:
oh Clare @HopsiFAP you are totally entitled to feel any way you want!! you have been thru major major surgery and come out the other side, like others have said you are an inspiration!! Sending you the biggest virtual hug

Hi @charleyb how are you guys? I hope recovery is going well for Charlie?
Just to let you know that liver spots are benign .. phew !,
Seeing Mr Rasheed tomorrow so will see when he wants to scan me next. Will be good to have a check in with him. Anyway lots of love :x::x::x:

charleyb

Oh my word that is amazing news @HopsiFAP !!!! i am so very happy for you!!
This pic is my hub at the weekend, hes doing so so well!! We have had MRI and CT scan so as long as clear we go forward to bowel resection in new year, get the results next monday xxx

Globerry

Hi@HopsiFAP you are entitled to have a blue day.I have read your profile and understand that you have been through so much.I get where you are coming from when the ileostomy starts playing up I too feel really low.Are you taking Loperamide if not they will really help.Sending you a big hug 💞:x::x:

HopsiFAP

@charleyb Ah that’s too cute ❤️❤️❤️ He is looking so well! I’ll keep my fingers crossed that the scan results are good to go for bowel resection in Jan. let me know?
Thank you. I’m so relieved and feel like I can start to look forward again .. maybe a wee holiday in Jan ! :x::x::x:

charleyb

Definitely a wee holiday!!! Get booking, and now you can have a lovely xmas, i`m so very pleased for you :x::x:

HopsiFAP

Hi @Globerry thanks so much. Yes I do and it does help. The problem is that the whipple operation I had in September has changed its behaviour so it can go even more mental.. but I did run into one of my stoma nurses at the Marsden today and she reassured me that my stoma is reacting as they would expect to the op. Hopefully it will calm down after a while. It’s at night that’s it at most bothersome as I have to get up 2 or 3 times I have to get up to empty it and that’s after a good few loperamide before bed. How long have you had your ileostomy? :x::x:

Sparrow

Dear @HopsiFAP, as others have said, you are a star 🌟 and have been through so much, you are entitled to feel weepy and blue! Sending much love and hugs :x::x::x:

Sparrow

@charleyb, great pic of your hubby and kiddos! What cuties!! (All of them)
Thanks for sharing :x::x::x:

Globerry

Hi HopsiFAP I have my ileostomy since August 2017 it's temporary a reversal should take place next spring.I am glad you have had reassurance that your is acting as it should at this stage.It must be very trying being up a few times in the night.Glad you are taking Loperamide it helps to slow things down a bit.Good luck thanks for sharing your journey :x::x::x:

baz

Firstly.... yes it’s ok and absolutely normal to feel low and sorry for yourself. I do and then I pick myself up again until the next time. Charleyb I had to comment on your fab pic.... I had the same op in Oct, your hubby will be fine I’m sure and you and the kids will drive him forward.

charleyb

Thankyou @baz hes doing amazingly! And hes doing so well they have now brought the bowel operation forward! Hope you are doing well :x::x::x:

DianeS

Morning @charleyb what a beautiful photo of your adorable family, you must be very proud. What date is hubby’s bowel operation? So pleased that they have brought it forward, Wishing you a lovely Christmas, and hope your little ones have an amazing time. Love D :x::x::x:

charleyb

Morning @DianeS its now 4th Jan!!! so only two weeks away, feels like we are still getting over the lung, but i`m sure they know what they are doing. He has to have a fitness test on 28th, and then the lung surgeon will check the lungs on 2nd, as a bit of fluid is still on lungs.
Thankyou the boys are so aware of christmas now, they can not wait, we are taking them to see santa tomorrow and the oldest one (3yrs) can not wait!! :x::x:

DianeS

Awwww it’s so nice to have children at Christmas time, love watching their little faces. Have a lovely time today. You both haven’t got long until 4th Jan, best of look with all the tests. Lots of love D :x::x::x::x:

HopsiFAP

@charleyb Amazing that they feel that Charlie will be able to have his op on 4th Jan. He will fly through that fitness test too. 😀 lots of love :x::x::x:

charleyb

@HopsiFAP did you see my scan result update, no active cancer left!! Hope you are feeling ok? :x::x:

HopsiFAP

@charleyb NO WAY that’s AMAZING news ,,,🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 what incredible news to hear. I’ll take a look at your post now. I’m so happy for you guys :x::x:
yeah I’m good thanks .. feeling stronger each day :x::x::x: